My random thoughts

Caller ID...

2010-04-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

...Whomever invented it, should be severely punished and I should dole out that punishment by making that specific person do my job for just one day. I am a switchboard operator for a very busy (approx 1,000 calls a day) automotive dealership. I am so flipping fed up with calls that begin with..."did you call me"? Um, really, who are you? "Well my name is...so and so...and this number showed up on my caller id and Im just calling to see what you wanted..." Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think that you are the only person in the world that does that and oh guess what? We have 25-30 different numbers that could be accessed at any time by any one of our 80 employees, and I DO NOT KNOW WHO CALLED YOU, IT WAS NOT ME!!!!!
Again, you are not the only person who calls me such trivial problems day after day, and you know what else? If the did not leave a message, they probably got the wrong number. I urge any one of you who want to pick that phone back up and call just to see who called you, DONT DO IT!! Oh and I love it when I ask them, do you know who may have called you from this number or what it might be regarding and I get the answer of..."well, I do have my car in there for service.." DUH Dumbass...just ask for service than...

Bleeding hearts.....

2010-02-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

In my "Corrections and Penology" class we are discussing prisoner rights. Do prisoners have the same rights as you and me (good hearted, hard working, law obiding citizens)? I am shocked at the amount of people (in their middle ages who should know better)say that it would be inhumane to allow inmates to suffer. EXCUSE ME!!!! HOLD UP!! Let me see if I have this right...You think that a person be it male or female, murdered another human being in cold blood, and is awating execution on death row (average wait for execution in the US is 20+ years), should have access to the same health/dental/eye care as you and I do (you and I pay for ours)? And they should be clothed, fed and entertained for those 20+ years as well?? Really??? Now let me put this another way, there is a doctor that was arrested recently in the Eastern part of the United States for molesting 130 children ages from two on up. SEXUALLY molesting children, and you think that he has the same rights within prison as you and I do out here in the real world? If your answer is yes, I want you to stop reading my blog and go read another blog, pass your idle time and mind with someone else, I am here to voice my opinion on the theory "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a thooth". That scumbag does not deserve to live let alone soaking up free healthcare with my hard earned law obiding citizens dollars. It infuriates me!!

Happiness...

2010-02-24T05:47:00.000-08:00

I am thirty-seven years old. For the first time in my life I feel happy and not just happy but satisfied and fulfilled. I love my life. So, this is what it feels like. Who knew? I am not really happy with my job, but the way I started looking at it is, I have been here for seventeen years, yes really, seventeen years and I only have 20 months left, at most. Wow. What do I mean? I am going to College in the evenings to earn my Bachelors of Science Degree with Minors in Legal Studies, and have 20 months left till I graduate. I than will go to law school. I have wanted to go to law school for a very long time, what seems like my entire life but I have always thought that I am not smart enough to go. I am by no means inteligent nor book smart, but what I do have working for me is my perseveverance. I will not give up, im like that old dog that sees a bone at the other side of the fence and wants it so badly that he is willing to risk life and death to get that damn bone, I however am thinking that I will not need to risk life or death. (Or at least, hope not.) I want it and I will keep trying till I get into Law School. I will get in!!! Anyway, I am happy. I am content. Thats the word, I was really looking for, content. I have two beatiful children (almost adults now), I have a wonderfully amazing partner in crime (I mean life), I have a beautiful home to go home to every night, and a home that is peacefull. No fighting, no drama. I also have two beatiful children (that belong to my partner) that stay with us half of the time. They are great kids as well. Life is good. Life is so very good. Wow. Please dont let it be jinxed.

Letting go....

2010-01-27T10:57:00.000-08:00

Letting go of a fear is like releasing gas. No joke. You feel so much lighter and better both physically and mentally.
Letting go of a fear enables you to be the person you were meant to be and not the person whom this fear demands you to be.
Letting go of a fear makes you appreciate other peoples fears and phobias. You can now sympathize and hopfully not judge.
I need to let go of this fear that I have been obsessing, agonizing, and fretting over. It has taken over a big part of my emotional capacity and consumed it. I let go partially yesterday by writing a letter to my fear explaining it. I hope that today or tomorrow I can look fear in the eye and shut it away for good so I can be a complete person who is happier, lighter and more focused on the true blessings of life.
Does any of this sense to any of you? If not it is still ok becuase it made sense to me. ME.

Tigerrrr....

2009-12-03T11:47:00.001-08:00

So Tiger Woods is in the news constantly nowadays. Poor man, can't even deal with his transgressions in private. So the question is, does every man really have affairs? Is this an acceptable behavior anywhere else in the world, or are we Americans the only sticks in the mud? I do however understand that temptation is everywhere, more so for some people than others. It can be difficult to say no, I am sure, but saying yes would be more difficult in the end, would it not? This is really puzzling to me. I really want to know, do all men have secret affairs? And if you say yes, is it ok for your spouce to do the same?? Does monogomy still exist???

Thank you...

2009-11-30T06:06:00.000-08:00

The words "thank you" just does not say enough. It does not define how much I appreciate my best friend. He cooks for me and my son, and puts up with us, all while smiling and singing very loud in his crazy voice. He loves me and puts up with my crazy notions and my need for a sledge hammer, so I can knock a wall out in our house. I thank you for being the love of my life, beign the person I have waited for my whole life. I love you more and more each day.

G20 Summit in Pittsburgh

2009-09-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

I was in Pittsburgh, PA the weekend before the infamous G20 Summit. Curiously though, I had not heard about this Summit until visiting Pittsburgh and being made aware of it through a security guard at the Andy Warhol museum wanting to look inside my purse. I saw the city prepare for the Summit and the great lenghts it went through, to ensure the safety of the diplomats attending this all important Summit. After the Summit I started hearing about the vast amount of people that demonstrated in the streets peacefully. Let us consider this. We common citizens, of all color, race, and nationality, were able to march in a peacefull manner in one city, in close proximity. Why can not we solve our other issues this way. Perhaps if we cut the government out of the picture and allow us, the taxpaying citizens to decide on most matter that are important, maybe, just maybe we might solve some issues that those ever important diplomats could not. Food for thought. I enclosed a link to a youtube video so you may watch the melding of cultures who got along. Imagine that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hsy_u1pJBlA

My living will...

2009-07-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

I, Monika, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Chocolate
Sex
Glass of wine
Sex
Chocolate
Sex
Sushi
Sex
Perfect Margarita
Sex
Chocolate
Sex
Coffee with Bailey's
Sex
Chinese Food
Sex
Chocolate
Sex
Mexican food
Sex
Chocolate
Sex
Ice cream
Sex
Raspberries
Sex
Chocolate
A big salad
Sex
Chocolate
Sex,

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!

If this happens at the same time I have shrunk down to a size 6, even better. Please refrain from pulling the plug until I can wear couture into eternity.

*I actually borrowed the idea of this blog from a blog I read on a daily basis, and thought it was a super idea.*

Long time...

2009-07-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have written on my blog, Im sure you all have noticed this.
I mean to write all the time, I just get boggled up for one reason or another. Honestly, after my boyfriend C informed me that anyone can find my blog, I am really hesitant to write my true feelings.
I came across an opportunity. I heard about an administrative assistants position available in the town I currently live in. I commute 30 miles a day now, each way, from the town I used to live in but no longer do. Since C and I bought a home together. I would love to work in a different position and different environment and get away from the people I currently work with. My problem is that if I do get this position (which is a very long shot-knowing there are more qualified people out there and everyone is looking for a job), I will be bound to the town. What if things do not work out with C and I have to move back to my previous hometown, I am stuck in the same position that I am now, but maybe with a happier job. There are other things to consider as well. Both my children attend schools in our previous towns. How will I get them there everyday and get them back?? I have no help in the transportation department. I dont know. I think I will fill out the application just the same and see if I even get an interview. If anyone has any thoughts, please share them with me. And for crying out loud do not tell me that if I am worried about C and I working out I shouldnt be there in the first place. I learned the hard way, that no matter how hard I work at a relationship or how much I love my spouce, it takes two to make things work. So, on that note, any suggestions??

Is it wrong?

2009-06-25T06:31:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to sit at my desk and daydream about the day that my financial woes wont be so stressfull?
Is it wrong to try and hurry your life so you can get through law school and become the attorney you always wanted to be not only for financial reasons but for personal reasons?
Is it wrong to envy people who have no financial worries?
In retrospect I realize that with a greater income, comes greater expenses. So really, do I want a higher income? YES. Didnt even have to think about that one.
I want to be able to log into my checking acocunt and see some extra money just sitting there collecting dust, and being able to pay for my root canal if need be, and not have to make payments on the stupid thing. I have been supporting myself since I was 16 years old. Rent, car, ins, utilities, all of it. I just feel so drained and tired. I realize that this is called life and I should just suck it up and move on along. Which I guess I will do, with the promise to myself that once I do get that nice salary, I will stockpile it in savings and wont let anything or anyone near it. I need a piece of mind.

Urgh...

2009-06-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

Today is root canal, post and crown day. WHINE...WHINE....WHiiiiinnnnneee. I dont wanto to go. Dont make me goooo....whimper.

Covet...

2009-06-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

I covet a different life.
I dont want to work anymore. LOL. Ok, I know as you are reading this, you are too saying, yeah-ha join the club.
I wish there was a job I could do from home. Not full time from home, but...hold on, flower delivery is here at work, could it be for me...lets wait and see. Oooh he is getting out of the van and taking out a beautiful arrangement, walking in, DANG IT, not for me. Oh well. Back to my story. Ok not full time from home because my partner and I would probably get on each others nerves. Maybe something I can do outside but from home. Dont know what....

Scarface...

2009-05-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

Yep, just call me scarface. Im goint to have a scar on my face under my bottom lip to remind me of my mishap with the prybar. How lucky am I??

Winner of the "Dumbass" award...

2009-05-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

I officially award myself with the "Dumbass" award. Why?, you may ask, well I will tell you. This past weekend, memorial day weekend, my partner and I had plans to take our deck apart, the one leading off of the master bedroom. It was going smoothly on saturday. Sunday, dawned rainy and blugh. I did not get to help much on Sunday, most of the items that needed to be done were a one man task. I whined, why can't I help?? whine whine whine.... Finally I got to help. Yeay me. Here is the prybar he said, take it and pry off this one long board. Ha ha, I can do this. I pried and pried and it wouldn't budge. One more really hard pry and I know I can get it. Well guess what? The pry bar came back with all the force I put into it and poppled me in the mouth. OUCH!!!!!! My partner took me insise the house after taking the pry bar out of my hand, and led me to the bathroom, where I proceeded to spit blood and teeth bits into the sink. Hrm, not good. After the shock wore off, the pain and reality set in. The skin on the outside of my lip was split, but I refused to go to the emergency room. No way am I paying that co pay. So I put ice on it untill I could assess the damage further. So I had one loose tooth on the bottom and broke one on the top completely in half, and thats what I was spitting out. F***!!!
I took pain killers ever 4-6 hours till I could get to the dentist yesterday. Dr. D made his assesment. I had two loose teeth on the bottom but were already firming up, or back in or whatever. So the one I broke on the top. He asked me, have you been taking something on a regular basis? Well yes, I have. That would by why you are not feeling the exposed nerve thingie or whatever it is. Hrm well I guess yes that would be why. So, we have to do a root canal, post and crown. F*** Me!!! Oh and he cant do it for a few days because my mouth is so raw it would be extremely painful to try to numb me. Hrm. So for the next two weeks I am living on soft foods and ibuprofen all because I was a whiny but. Gggrrrrrr......
So how was your weekend??

Long weekend...

2009-05-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

With Memorial Day coming up on Monday, I have a three day weekend ahead of me.
I am so exicted about this. Not that I will get to sleep a few extra minutes each morning but excited to be at home with my family. With my boys, my partner and his children for three whole days. Wow. I am also looking forward to "fixing" our deck off of the master bedroom. It is only accesible through the master bedroom now, which is silly. I want to be able to step down into the back yard, which would only be a couple of steps. Should be a great project that will exercise muscles I have forgotten about. I am also looking forward to making home made cinnamon rolls and grilling hamburgers and ribs. It should be a nice weekend. I might even take a before and after photo of the deck and post it.

The deer in our backyard are eating my Hosta plants. I love deer and I think they should be protected, but not if they are going to devour my plants. Its not just my Hosta plants its other plants as well in my garden. It is not very nice of them to do that. My partner did purchase a bag of this fertalizer (forgot what it was called) and put it out last night and voila! the deer did not eat any more Hosta plants. It could be something as simple as the fertilizer working or that maybe they went and dined on some one elses Hostas last night. We will see.

Have a great weekend all!!

Pause...

2009-05-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

Life seems to be passing by me at a very high speed. Don't get me wrong, I am in it, its just all going too fast. By the time I get home from work, cook dinner, eat, clean the dishes and the messy kitchen, go for a quick walk, its time to go to bed. I get up at 5:30 as it is, so I can not get up any earlier to put extra time in my day. Why does it go by so fast. I wish I could just push pause. Pause here so I can sit down for a moment and take a long breath. Pause here so I can hug my oldest son one more time today and tell him he is great. Pause yet again so I can help my youngest son unpack some of his boxes from our move. Pause here so I can listen to GG and Jxs ramble on and on about things. Pause here so I can actually hug and kiss my boyfriend today. Pause here so I can read a few pages before falling asleep. Those are lots and lots of pauses. Unfortunately I can not pause and have to make the best of the time I do have.
What do you wish you could push pause for??

Nice Things...

2009-05-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should say nice things as well. I wrote ten things that I wish I could or should say to others and they were all negative. I am not always negative (despite popular belief). I do have so many nice things to say to and about people, so I thought I would follow up with the niceties...
1. When you smile (T-bugs), you light up my life.
2. When I tell you how handsome you are (C) you blush.
3. Your amazingly big heart (J-man) reminds me that there are so many people out there who do wear their hearts on their sleeve, and I should be catious with all my words.
4. Thank you for rescuing me, from my otherwise scary fate.
5. You were there when both of my boys were born and you took care of me with expert motherly hands.
6. When we lay in bed and you hold me and stroke my arm (C), I feel like the luckiest woman alive.
7. Thank you for helping me when I needed it the most!

I have had some rough patches in my life, who hasn't?! I do however, appreciate all the small and wonderfull things that come along every day.

Apology...

2009-05-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

In my previous post "The ten things I wish I could say to someone or Should", I was wrong in one of my ten things. Number eight was recognized and I was informed by a sad face that it is not the truth. He was talking to his dad. The sad look, hurt eyes said it all. My sincerest apologies to you, C.
Hope you all have a great weekend.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say or That I Should Say to Certain People:

2009-05-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

I follow Leesa's blog and stole this from her. Thank you Leesa

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say or That I Should Say to Certain People:
An exercise to write down 10 things I wish I could say to people in my life. Lots of people started doing this, but words can be powerful; they can hurt. And I just don't want to hurt people.

1. I do not want to hear about your aches and pains everyday! I do not give a shit!

2. I need you to go to your fathers house, I need a break, and want to have loud sex!

3. Quit being a bitch to me!! I am tired of it.

4. I could tell that you were lying to me. I knew you were not talking to your dad that one day when you pulled up to my driveway. You had the quilty look on your face and the smile that said you were talking to a lover, and I know you lied to me straightfaced.

5. Stand up for yourself! Quit letting her run your life.

6. I would like to spend a few minutes each evening, before bed, just laying there and reading a book.

7. I wish you concentrated on your boys half as much as you do on your girlfriend.

8. I need you to listen to my ideas too, they mean something to me.

9. Your an asshole and I hate the fact that some of your asshole-ness rubs off on our children!

10. I could tell you why you are wrong, but that would make me look like a bitch. <-- that is Leesa's and I decided to keep it. I love it.

I feel so much better!! Whew, no names but I got it all out of my system!!

Radio...

2009-05-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

The radio is my friend during my morning commute. My favorite radio show in the morning is Mancow. I listen to him on a daily basis. Some days I think he is brilliant and others, not so much. This morning Mancow was talking about one of his good friends who wants to marry his girlfriend. This friends reasoning is, "we have been dating a long time, and she is nice and it seems like the next natural step to do". I wanted to scream at the readio, to tell this friend to not get married. Those are all the wrong reasons to marry. But Mancow must of heard me telepathicaly becuase he said those exact words. He also echoed my opinion of marriage, that it is hard enough when your in love with someone deeply and completely, and if you marry without those powerful feelings, it will never last. (AHERM!) Marriages end every day. If you are not in love with this person, and see the other person for what they are truly, it will never work. Look at them for who they are and realize that they have flaws, just like you, and for goodness sakes do not go into the marriage thinking, "well once we are married he will change, or I can change that" WRONGO!! Marriage is a serious commitment. I just wish I would have realized all this before I said "I do" a second time. Yeah, you read right, a second time. I am divorced twice. I am branded, I have a scarlet letter attached to me. But you know what else I have, knowledge. Knowledge of what to expect and to not expect if I ever do get married again. And if the love of my life asks me to marry him I want him to know that he should do it for all the right reasons not wrong ones. Do it because he loves me, truly loves me, respects me and wants to be by my side forever. Getting married because it seems like the next natural step is just so wrong.

Overheard...

2009-05-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

Last night at school I was sitting in the hallway studying. I was sitting on a bench in a very empty and quiet halway. My quitness became disturbed when a fellow student, girl, came walking out of a classroom holding her cell phone. She had "that" look on her face. I will explain in a moment. She said softly into the phone, whats going on? no, I was in class but I will make a minute". Hrm. She smiled coyly. The expression on her face changed drastically after a few seconds when she whispered really loudly into the phone "are you kidding me? those people are really good friends with my husband, shit, what if he finds out". Hrm. This can not be good. She than I guess panicks and tells this person to calm down, his wife wont find out either. Hrm. Ok than. I am a people watcher. I couldnt help but watch her. All color drained from this girls face. When I say girl, I mean early 30's. She than says, I will call my husband and see if he acts different and will call you after class and yes I do love you. HELLO!! So she hangs up, calls her husband and I guess gets his voicemail because she leaves a sweet message, something to the effect of, hi honey, just checking in, seeing how your doing, I love you and will call you later. Now I must explain when I said I saw her have "that" look on her face. I had that same look once before. That look of this is so sinful yet delicious. The I am having an affair with a married man and this is just an amazing feeling look. However when I was sitting there last night, I realized something. I wronged the wife of the person I had an affair with. I so wronged her. I dont think she ever found out about her husbands many torid affairs but how can one not know. I felt so guilty and shamefull for what I did. Becuase of that I realized something else. When I told my boyfriend of 3 years that I am faithful to him, I meant it. I have not cheated or even wanted to. It feels so good to be on the striaght and arrow. So good to not have to feel guilty or worried that someone will find out and my life will fall apart. I enjoy this simple, non-dramatic life. Even if my spouce cheated on me I would not feel the slightest urge to go out and do the same just to get even. I would walk away, hurt, but I would walk away knowing that I was the bigger and better person, becuase I have nothing to be ashamed of. I know who I am, what I am about and let me tell you, this is great. No secret life for me.

Definition...

2009-05-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

The definition of character is...The way you act/behave when no one is looking.

Parents...

2009-05-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, I got my parents home safe and sound after their outing yesterday. It was one of the funniest experiences of my life. Mom was cookey or loopy, however you want to put it. From the moment she was waking up, she kept asking dad, who was in the hospital bed next to her, are you gassy? Hrm. I tried no to laugh. Every time she would turn or move, she would pass gas and turn around and look at dad and again ask, are you gassy? Poor dad. He tried so hard not to laugh too. I kept reasuring her that dad is just fine, you drink your sprite. Yes mom, dad has sprite too and yes he is behaving and drinking it. So, the nurse type person comes up to my dad and says, time to take out your IV. Hrm, can I pass out now please? I do not do well with certain situations. So I looked at dad and said Im going to wait out in the hall, and this perky nurse pipes up and says, why dont you stay and hold your dads hand, Im sure he would appreciate it. Are ya kidding me? But ok. I stayed. I held dads other hand and turned away, thinking happy thoughts. Finaly my wonderful dad pats my hand with his now free of IV hand and says, its over Moni, you can let go of the death grip, your actually hurting me. I did not realize how hard I was gripping my poor fathers hand. He just said, its ok, come sit down. I did. Than the samer perky ass nurse had the gall to come back and ask if I wanted to stay with my mom and hold her hand. Oh dude, I just dont think so. Not a good time to pass out. My hero, my father, pipes up and says, its ok, she will help me figure out this finger monitor thingie and help me get a drink. Oh thank you dad. I hugged him. So we leave the hospital with my loopy mom and overprotective dad. Ok, why is it that no matter how old you get, when you drive your parents around you revert back to this child that they thought to drive twenty years ago. No kidding. Mom said, slow down honey, your too close to that car honey. Ok, I love these people, I love these people... So we stop and pick up lunch and go home. At home mom kept asking dad, are you gassy? Im thinking, oh Geez, I hope she takes a nap for dads sake. So we eat lunch nothing eventful, I order them to sit in the living room and turn the TV on for them and bring them water and blankets and etc. Mom doses off for about half an hour while dad and I watch TV. She wakes up and seems much clearer in the mind. My mom is 53 and dad is 54. Not old at all so seeing my mom loopy was quite a sight. Finally it was time for me to go and retreive my children from school and go home to my house and take care of my family. I left them with strict instructions to not use any heavy machinery, not even the vacuum cleaner mom. On second thought I called for back up. He he he. My brother "dropped by" to see how they were doing and made them dinner and watched movies with them. I felt much better. I knew the minute I was out of that house dad would walk down to the basement and into his woodworking shop and build something. So, today, they are both clear headed and back to normal. Well as normal as normal can be for our clan.

Too Cute...??

2009-04-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

My parents are having "outpatient" procedures today, at the same time, same thing. Is it cute because they have been together for so long and still want to do things like, flushing out your system the night before, together?? I dont know that I would call it cute except I know my father. He would do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to make my mom happy. I have never know that man to raise his voice to her, to treat her wrong or betray her in any way. In turn, my mom looks out for him. She realizes that men like my father do not come along every day. He is one of a kind. She cherish him and he in turn cherishes her. So maybe cute is not the right word, how about, Love. They still love each other, and are in love with another after 30 some odd years of marriage. How awesome.

Stellan...

2009-04-29T05:56:00.000-07:00

I have been diligently following McMama and McChildren on her blog. Stellan, the youngest of the MC'S, has/had been fighting for his life. He is finally back home today after an extended hospital stay. I am so happy to see him smile. I am so happy that McMama is finally at home with all of her children, making them scrambled eggs for breakfast. Even though I have never met this lady in person, I feel like I know them, from me stalking, erhm, I meant following her blog and twitter. I wish I could meet them in person and hug sweet Stellan. I wish them all the best and happiness and good health in the world. If your intersted in reading about them, just look on my side bar and click on "My charming kids". You wont be disappointed.

Followers...

2009-04-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

Are people really followers or can we just call them stalkers?? I think stalkers is a more appropriate word. I wanted to "follow" the love of my life on a cer"twitter"tain site and found some one already beat me to it. Someone whom I dont think should be following him. So, I wont follow him. I follow a few of you on my blog, so I guess I am your personal stalker. Aren't you excited to have the privilige of me being your stalker? Let me see how many more times I can fit the word "stalker" in my blog. Now, Collie, I know you have a comment about this, so please post it, I am dying to hear what it is... BTW I loved the bit about the lou, that was brilliant my friend. In case the rest of you do not know what I am talking about, let me fill you in. I have a couple of certificates I received from school stating I made the Dean's list, blah blah blah. I have no use for these things so Collie suggested I post them to the back of the bathroom door. Awesome idea. Love it!. OOoh, and if we ever run out of toilet paper, we can substitute. Ha. Ok that was gross, even for me...Stalker signing off. Hope you all have a great day!!

Lilacs...

2009-04-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

As I sit at my desk I get a whiff of the sweet lilacs in a vase on my desk. I am gratefull for the big bundle of flowers someone bestowed upon me. They are beautiful and aromatic.

I am having a hard time adjusting to my commute. One day I have to leave earlier than the other and its confusing me. I have to change my alarm time every night before going to sleep. When I wake up, I lay there trying to remember if I take the kids to school today and leave early and what day is it anyway? Hrm. Not quite sure how to handle it yet.

Other than that, only two weeks of school left and I have a ton of school work to finish up. Papers and etc. Yikes. I got a certificate in the mail yesterday, congratulating me on my Dean's list achievement. I have another one somewhere, Ithink I threw it out with a pile of trash before moving a couple of months ago. What is one supposed to do with those anyway? Its not like I want to frame them. They will look good on my law school application though. I have major doubts about actually getting into law school let alone making it the first year. How do I handle that kind of humiliation? That kind of disapointment in myself and when my children look at me and think, geez, she cant even make it through law school. And than what? Where will my career be? What will I do? Who will I become?

Rain...

2009-04-23T05:44:00.000-07:00

On the way to work this morning the weatherman kept saying that there will be a slight chance of showers today. Ok. Hrm, my windshield wipers were on nonstop the entire 45 mile drive. Seriously?! They get paid for that??

Hrm....

2009-04-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I havent blogged in a long time.

I have been very worried that someone reading my blog might get offended or angry if they know me and recognize themselves in my posts. Well guess what?! I dont care. I created this blog for my personal use and if you get offended, tough nanners.

Ok. So I wish I was at home today receiving some much needed "dirt" therapy. The weather is beautiful outside and I want to play.

I wish my oldest son could come live with me full time so I wouldnt have to listen to him whine about having to go to his fathers house, on a constant basis. No, his father is not a bad father or person, they are so much alike that they clash.

Someone I love very dearly shattered my heart last week and every day I wake up wondering how to restore the trust and my self esteem. And it pisses me off at the same time because I did nothing wrong, so why should I be the one worrying about restoring things. I want to flirt with a friend of mine so he could stroke my ego a bit, but I realize that that is not the answer. The answer lies within me.

I have two and a half weeks of school left before the summer break, and I am excited to get those weeks over with.

Have I offended?
Dont care!!

A to Z

2009-04-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

Now getting to Know Me From A to Z

A - Age: 36
B - Bed size: Queen and I love it. It's the best bed ever.
C - Chore you hate: Cleaning the shower.
D - Dad's Name: Tibor
E - Essential start your day item: COFFEE!
F - Favorite food: Grandmas cooking...
G - Gold or Silver: Oh, silver all the way...Im a sterling silver freak.
H - Height: 5" which puts me above a midget, thank you very much!
I - Instruments you play(ed): Hrm. Not a single one.
J - Job title: Mom, daughter, student, receptionist.
K - Kid(s): Two amazing teenage boys.
L - Living arrangements: I live in a home.
M - Moms name : Judith
N - Nicknames: Moni
O - Overnight hospital stay: 2 C-sections.
P - Pet Peeve: When people tap their finger on a desk constantly.
Q - Quotes you like: "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got."
R - Right or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: Two younger brothers. One lives in Australia with his wife the other is only 18 and still lives with my mom in Hungary.
T - Time you wake up: 5:30am
U - Undying love for: everyone close to my heart.
V - Vegetable you dislike: Lima beans.
W - Ways you run late: I try to never be late, I dislike it when people are late.
X- X-rays you've had: teeth, back.
Y - Yummy food you make: My oldest son loves my chicken paprikas.
Z - Zodiac: Virgo.

Spring...

2009-04-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

Where oh where is spring? It has been so very cold and rainy and downright yucky. I need sunshine. Pllllleeeeaaaasssseeee. Come out sinshine and play.
I normally love spring, but this year it has been dowright moody, if you will.
I love watching flowers bloom, leaves turn green and trees and shrubs budding. Yeah well this year I havent seen any. Oh and I need for the sunshine to come out so the mushrooms can pop in time for this weekend. I need to get out into the woods and walk and mushroom hunt and smell the earth. Please sunshine come out.

Me...

2009-03-16T08:45:00.001-07:00

I think that I am good person. I may not have always been such a good person, we all make mistakes. I have made my share of mistakes beelive me. I will pay for it one day or maybe I already have. I dont beleive that a person should be judged by the job they hold or the titles they have or dont have. I am just a receptionist, nothing more. I am not anyone important at my company, just a mere peasant. I am however a great employee. I aspire to be somebody someday and I am working very hard towards that goal. I go to school at night twice a week and do homework two other nights, sacrifising those nights with my children for the future. I want to be somebody not for anyone else but for me and my boys. I may have to take another job this summer to make ends meet and that too will take time away from my boys. They are aware that this is what I have to do in order to survive. I do not get child support, never have, not even a penny. I do not make a great sum at my job, just enough to get by. I do not have extra for travel or extravagances. With my second job this summer I hope to have enough to go to Las Vegas for my friends wedding. I am a proud person, maybe to a fault. I am angry that I allow people to make me feel this low. I have to keep reminding myself that I am a worthwhile person and I will reach my full potential one day. In the meantime anyone else can kiss my but.

Follower...

2009-02-27T12:15:00.001-08:00

It seems that I have lost a follower. Hrm, I guess my blog was too infrequent or not interesting enough.

Sweet soft snoring...

2009-02-23T07:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, more like loud snoring. A dog lays in my closet at night snoring, which wakes me. I wonder as wake, what is that noise? I realize that it is the sweet dog that my boyfriend left while out of town. I fall back asleep, sympathizing with the dog, I miss his owner too. As we both lay sleeping we dream of his return.

2009-02-17T10:56:00.000-08:00

My story -
Finish the sentence:Hi, my name is: Monika
Never in my life have I been to: Switzerland, I have always wanted to go.
I hate it when: People do not treat me with the same respect, kindness and love as I treat them.
The one person who can drive me nuts is: Myself. I am my own worst enemy. I worry constantly and wonder how to improve everyone elses life and when I have nothing, I wonder why?? Silly me.
When I'm nervous: I chew the inside of my mouth.
The last song I listened to was: I dont know, it was in the car during my morning commute and I think I was still asleep.
My hair is: In need of a high light touch up.
When I was 5: Im sure I was a worry wart then too.
Last Christmas: I got a new set of pots and pans.
I should be: Working
When I look down: I see my mothers hands.
The happiest recent event was: Receiving an A on my English paper.
My current annoyance is: Being my own worst enemy. I am really trying to become my own best friend.
I have a hard time understanding: Why people are so hateful to each other.
The thing I want to buy is: Clothes for my boys.
If you visited the place I'm from: You would love it. Very amazing little city called: Nyiregyhaza
Most recent thing I've bought myself: A bottle of water.
Most recent thing someone else bought me was: A new Kitchen Aid mixer.
My middle name is: I do not have one.
Last night I was: In class. Weeee....
If I was an animal: I would be a cat. A fat lazy cat that would lay in the sun all day.
Tomorrow I am: Doing the same old thing. Work and School.
Tonight I am: Applying joint compound to bathroom walls.

Don Taylor

2009-02-06T05:45:00.000-08:00

I am looking for Don Taylor. He lives in California somewhere. I cannot find him on facebook. He and I worked together at The Wherehouse in Torrance Ca. He lived in St.Louis briefly but moved back to California. I lost thouch with him about nine years ago. We had so much fun. Our personalities are so similar and when he and I hang out all we do is laugh. He calls me Chica. I want to find him and find out how he is doing. How his brother is doing. Does anyone know him?? Anyone?? So today I am grateful that I can post this message and see if anyone out there knows Don.

Kiss...

2009-02-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

A while back I wrote about the first kiss. The first kiss of my life. Well, yesterday on Facebook I decided to see if I can locate the boy whom I kissed first. I typed his name in, and woala!! There he was. So now we are friends. We exchanged a couple of messages. So, today I am grateful for Facebook for allowing me to get in touch with my past.

Today...

2009-02-04T06:48:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for a dog named Cooper. He is my boyfriends dog but I love him too. After I finished showering this morning, I opened the bathroom door and he was sitting there waiting for me. He is the sweetest thing ever. He sat there, cocked his head when I called him good boy. He looked up at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes, tail wagging nonstop. He is inteligent and caring. I think he loves me too. For Cooper, today I am grateful.
P.S. I wish I had a picture of him to post.

Day two...

2009-02-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

Today I am grateful for my friend Joe. He emailed me asking if I was doing allright. He knows I am under some stress with school and moving so he just wrote me an email reminding me that I have friends out there who love me. It made my day. I am humbled and greatful.

Appearantly...

2009-02-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

Appearantly I only write about sad things on this blog and my facebook. So, lets change things up a bit. I am going to write each day, one thing that I am grateful for, so my blog returns to a positive note.
Here goes: Today, I am greatful for my friend Judy, who did something so totally funny, I about peed my britches laughing.

Stress...

2009-01-30T06:54:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been under a lot of stress. I noticed the toll it is taking on me today. I could not drag myself out of bed, after tossing and turning all night, worrying. I worry about so much. I look at the stupid, stupid clock at least ten times and realize that, oh yeah, I can sleep just a few more precious hours or minutes, whatever the case may be. My leg is going ninety miles an hour under my desk, its driving me nuts. I am worried about my classes, my work load really. I am worried about my upcoming move. I am worried about how my boys will adjust to the move. I am worried about how I will adjust to the move and the commute the move creates. I am worried about my mom. I am worried about EVERYTHING!!!
Sigh. Help.

Another New Baby.....

2009-01-28T06:22:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to my friend Collie on the birth of his baby girl: Elisa. How absolutely precious. Mom and baby are doing great. I am so happy for your family.
With all my love,
Monika

A new baby...

2009-01-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Onepic on the birth of his much awaited son, Yuki.
As I read his blog, I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes. What a great day it must have been. His wife and Yuki are doing great. He is doing great.
I remembered when my oldest son was born. Ok, now I have tears in my eyes again. I remember anticipating holding him, but he was delivered via C-section, so I was not the first to hold him or the second. But when I did hold him, my heart swelled to the max with love for this little amazing creature. He smelled so good and he was just amazing. When my second son was born, he was rushed to a hospital thirty miles away and it was days before I held him, but when I did, all the feelings of love and amazement came over me again. Like an old friend revisiting. Enveloping me with love. I love my boys and I have been so blessed by their presence in my life. I wish onepic and his lovely wife Sabina all the joy my beatiful boys have brought me.

Too long....

2009-01-09T07:51:00.000-08:00

It has been way too long since I have last written. Finals being the week before Christmas and then Christmas and New Years, I just did not have a chance to write. One major exciting thing happeining in my life is house hunting. My boyfriend and I are searching for "our" home, so this means we are officially moving in together. Whew, combining household goods, children, etc. Intertwining the rest of our lives. It is scary because I failed at it twice so what makes me think I can do better at this one... I am clinging to the hope that I have matured enough in the last few years that when I selected this mate I knew what type of person I needed beside me to keep on this great journey called life. I have chosen him becuase he is funny, caring, compasionate (sometimes) and he is an excellent cook!! LOL. Ok thats not all the reasons but this is a PG blog so thats all I can say. I am walking down the road of life with him by my side for the rest of my life. The chosen one. The one.

New Year...

2008-12-29T11:26:00.000-08:00

Aaaah, the New Year is vastly approaching. Just a few short days and we start anew, but not really. We will still have our lives, our joys and sorrows. Not really a clean slate than is it? I refuse to make New Years resolutions, becuase it would be about loosing weight and Im tired of that. I will not make any this year. Just enjoy my life. The New Year does hold a few quiet promises in my life, so we will see how it will all play out. Quiet whispers are promising, sweet and gentle. A hanny New Year to all!!

Happy Birthday....

2008-11-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

Today is my oldest sons 16th birthday. I cannot beleive it.
I cannot stop crying today, I am having a really hard time with it. Where did the last 16 years go? I remember the day he was born, so clearly. It was around 7:30 pm when they prepped me for a c-section. I was just 20 years old, and scared out of my mind. I had no clue what was going to happen. I lay on the table and started to cry, (so maybe its appropriate that I cry all day today) becuase I was scared of the future and the procedure. I felt the doctors tugging him out. He weighed 8lbs and 8oz. My mother in law was the person who held him first. She brought him over to me, held him close to my face, (my arms were still strapped down and I could not touch him) and I smelled him and cooed to him and rubbed his little cheek with my nose, and he turned toward the sound of my voice. That moment was one of the greatest in my life. He has been such a great joy to have in my life. He is smart and witty and complicated. He is amazing. Happy Birthday to my wonderful son!!! May life treat you with the kindest of hands.

Australia

2008-11-13T09:36:00.001-08:00

My little brother lives in Australia and there is a big time difference between there and the states, where I reside.
Whenever he calls me, I feel like I am always busy with something and do not pay any attention to him. I pay attention to everything he says but Im sure he feels like I do not. Im always rushing off to do homework or do something with the kids. I have not seen him in over six years. I miss my baby brother very much.
So, if you are reading this Sandy, I miss you, and I wish we could be closer in proximity.
Love you always,
M.

I hope....

2008-11-06T06:51:00.000-08:00

The presidential election may not have gone my way, but I can hope for the best.
I will show the new president all the respect he deserves as a president, and again, hope for the best.
p.s. Thank you to C. for not rubbing it in, that your choice prevailed.

I voted

2008-11-04T05:59:00.000-08:00

That is what my little sticker reads on my lapel. I voted.
I got up early, like 5:30am, just so I can exercise my right as a United States Citizen, and vote before going to work.
I was number 147 in my little district. I realize that my one vote will not swing the pendulum either way, it just makes me feel better.
Honestly, I cannot wait till this election is over and our nation can once again focus on improving our "state" of being, and not on who will be the next president.

Winter is fast aproaching...

2008-10-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

I just read Miss AJ's comment, how summer is on its way and she is taking out all of her summer clothes. Urgh, all the while, Im huddling closer to my space heater at work, because I am freezing. I am starting to wear the heavy coats, dug out the hats, and the gloves. Bbbrrr. I dont like cold weather. I used to when I was a child and younger, but now its a different story. The last couple of days, I have not been able to warm up, I feel cold inside and out. I dont like, it.
So Miss AJ, enjoy the warmth for both of us, please.

Even though I promised.....

2008-10-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

Even though I promised no political horse shit, I have something to say.
I have an enormous amount of empathy for George Bush. He is the guy we all blame anything we can on. One question, which party has had Congress for the last few years????
It aggrivates me that he is so picked on. He may not be the best or most eloquent speaker but I beleive he has a good heart and he is doing the best with what was dealt to him.

Middle of October.

2008-10-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

It is the middle of October already. Where did this year go?
My oldest son will be turning sixteen next month, and thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years righ after that. This year just flew by.
I am done with my first semester for the year, I took english and social psychology. Im pretty sure I got a B in both classes, not the best grade, but it will have to do and I will have try harder next semester. I enjoyed my psych class very much. I learned so much from my professor. He was truly amazing. Lets see, Im off from school next week and going to a hockey game friday night and a wedding on saturday. Im going to spend the week with my boys though and enjoy their company.
I still cannot beleive that it will be next year in just over a couple of months. Thats just crazy. I hope our economy will improve. I wont discuss politics or write about politics, because I do not want to feel like I have to defend my views, so you will not see any political horse shit on my blog.
Thanks for reading, and take care.

Security.....

2008-10-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

Where do you find security these days? Not in your job, not on the roads, not in the economy, not in the government, and certainly not expressing your words. We live in such fear, fear of all the things I mentioned. Loosing everything, and we are not taking into consideration as to how this will affect our children. How will they remember these tough times? Where can we feel secure? When I go to bed at night I close my eyes and try to shut off all my worries and they wont dissapear. They linger; therefore, I dont sleep good, and I am tired the next day. I want some security in something, somewhere. But where? Or is that word just a sham??

Did you know....

2008-10-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

Leonardo da Vinci could write with the one hand and draw with the other simultaneously.

Learning to kiss....

2008-09-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

Do you remember your very first kiss??? I do. I remember the very moment, the way the whole world seem to freeze in time. I remember the feeling of his lips on mine; however, I do not beleive that, this person taught me how to kiss. I beleive I was born with my special way of kissing. I may have perfected it over they years with lots of practice. =)
I believe that I kiss others, the way I want to be kissed. I kiss with passion and longing and wanting. I kiss with reckless abandon. I love to kiss. I wish it would be declared a legitimate hobby. Just take time out of your busy day, even just a few minutes, and connect with the one you love, just kiss!!!!
So, go and take a few minutes tonight, and really kiss your love.

Today...

2008-09-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day since the 5th of September that I actually had energy to do anything. So that makes 14 days of feeling like poooooppppp. But the good news is that today, I saw a ray of sunshine. I actually laughed and smiled and felt human. I hope that I continue to get better. On a different note, I hate, I hate my english professor. It is a begining english composition class. I have been trying, for the last 4 weeks, to get this essay writing down. I cannot seem to get it. I rewrote my essay that is due tomorrow at least a hundred times, and it still sounds the same. Talk about frustrating. Ggggrrrrr.

Sick.

2008-09-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

Last sunday, the 7th was my birthday. I spent the day feeling yucky, not because of my age but because I have been sick for 2 weeks and just not getting any better. I broke down yesterday and went to the doctor. I have bronchitis. She prescribed antibiotics which I started taking. I hope to feel better soon, so I can tell you all about some real neat things. I have not forgotten about my blog, just been blugh.

Seeing the world through others eyes.

2008-09-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

If I was a superhero, the power I would most love to have, would be, being able to see the world through others eyes. I would love to know they way people think, or how they percieve things. That would be an ivasion of privacy though, wouldnt it? Hrm. I would still love to know what other people think. How do you view the same situation I just viewed. Are you lying? Are you telling the truth? Are you hiding behind a great wall and why are you hiding? Or see a sunset for the first time through a childs eyes. Just think of all the great things you could experience if you saw things all over again through others eyes.

Me....

2008-09-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

Last night after my jump in the pool stint, I realized what I have been missing in my life. I realized that it felt so good to be spontanious and carefree. To just jump in for the sheer joy of it and not care what every one else will think. Anyway, this morning when I was dropping the oldest off at the high school, I just looked at all the kids and thought back to those high school days. Do you remember those days? Wow. If I knew than what I know now... I would have walked up to "that" boy and said, lets ditch, and go surfing. Oh wait, I did that. Huh. Ok. Maybe I would have stayed in school and not dropped out. Nah, I would have went surfing anyway. Ah those good old high school days...Do you remember yours??

Swim.....

2008-09-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

After my nightly jog, I was so hot, I felt like I was burning up. What was I to do but, jump into my pool, fully clothed. Oh my. Let me tell you, it was exhilarating. I did take my shoes off and my i pod, but the rest was soaked. I sat in the cool pool and cooled off for a good fifteen minutes. The funny part, I had to come inside the house. I knocked on my back door and my youngest son came to the door and was stunned speechless, there was his mom dripping wet. He says, OMG mom are you allright? What happened to you? I just laughed. I told him I got hot and had to cool off. He looked at me and asks, so you just jumped in the pool fully clothed?? I said yes and please go get me a towel. Both my boys think their mother is completely coo coo. LOL. What a great evening!!!

Person Perception.

2008-09-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

In doing my psychology homework I came across a sentence that intrigued me.
"For the most part, seeing another person as potentially similar is a source of attraction, but when the other person shares a characteristic that we frear in ourselves, we may instead psychologiacally distance ourselves from the person or avoid her or him altogether."
What is it about myself that I fear, that would make me hate another person. I thought about a while. There is a person at my place of employment that I detest with a passion. Does she have a trait that I dont like or fear in myself. She is a complete and total B---H. Without a doubt. She is evil and coniving. Hrm, something to ponder.

I love you

2008-08-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

Today in the car, on the ride to school, after my youngest son got out, the oldest one looked at me and asked "Do you realize that some parents never tell their children I LOVE YOU" I of course asked him, what makes you say that? He said in one of his classes last year they had a group discussion on family life. Some children talked about their parents never saying those word. I was sad. And it made him sad too. He suprised me by saying that it is unimaginable and how could any parent not tell their child they love them? How can they survive? I simply smiled at him and told him that some parents just either dont have the emotional capacity or were raised by parents who never said it, so they dont know how to say it. He than said that he will tell his children all the time how much he loves them, and that made me cry. He said, you and dad always make my brother and I feel loved, we always know you love us, even when you are mad at us, you tell us that regardless of our misbehavior. Big SIGH. So, I had to call their dad and tell him what was said. I think he might of cried too. We basked in the thought that we at least did that right, making sure our children always know they are loved by both parents.

Single moms

2008-08-27T05:59:00.000-07:00

One other thing I forgot to write about in my blog yesterday. In my english comp class there are 9 women and 3 men. Out of 9 women 7 of us are single moms. I was astounded. We each introduced ourselves and by the end of the class the teacher commented that this class should be interesting with all the single moms and our stories. We all come from different walks of life and have different age children. It would be cool if we could start a single moms club. At the same time it is sad because you do see how many divorces there are in real life.

More specific update.

2008-08-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

I started school last night.
My first class is English comp. which is easy. I dont even have to make a great effort in that class. My second class on the other hand, is extremely mind bending. It is social psychology. It is a level 3 class which makes it even harder. My professor is totally amazing though. He reminds me of my gradfather who passed away. The twinkle in his eyes when he talks. He has been teaching for many, many years. I just sat there and was mesmerized by him. I guess it showed because my name was the first one he memorized in the class. Halfway through he called me by my name and asked what I thought of a theory. I was a little shocked not only because he remembered my name very fast but becuase he encouraged me to speak in front of the class and I was the only one he singled out. I cannot say enough for this man, he has a reputation of greatness amongst students as well as faculty and I get to be in his class.
On the job front. I am looking for a job that is better than the one I have. I do not want to leave for the wrong reasons. I want to leave for better pay or better health benefits or better hours or better work environment. I do not want to make a huge mistake.
My boys are doing rather well (knock on wood). They both seem to love their classes and their teachers. For now, all is good. I love school and so do my boys. My life is good.

Update, as requested.

2008-08-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

I am very picky about where I have mailed my application into.
I am just looking and mailing my resume out selectively.
No bites yet.

Fed Up.

2008-08-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

I am officially fed up. Im done. I am looking for a new job. I have been here for 15 years. I have given my company so much. I feel like if I dont move on, im going to go insane. I hate the idiots I have to deal with on a daily basis. I have looked before, but now, I know in my heart I am ready to move on. I need to move on. The challenge is finding a job in this small town that pays comperable to what I am making here after that many years. Plus the fact that everyone in town knows my boss, so once I start looking, the cat will be out of the bag. Urgh. I am ready though and actively looking.

My ever growing boys....

2008-08-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

My boys went back to school clothes shopping with their grandma yester afternoon. What led up to this big shopping trip is, well, new school clothes, but also we went through their closet and drawers and to my horror, nothing fit. Everything was too small. All their school clothes. Urgh. They both hit a growth spurts I guess. I mean nothing fit. All their short and long pants, nothing. So grandma took them shopping yesterday and bought them new shorts and pants. What would we do without grandmas? The thing is, my youngest is now as tall as my oldest and now they wear the same size pants. Amazing. There is two and a half years of age difference between them. Its funny, my oldest hates it when people point out to him that his little brother is getting ready to surpass him in heigth. They have grown up so much. They are young adults, but it is as it should be. I want them to be tall and strong and healthy. (Despite their mom letting them have ice cream for dinner once in a while in the middle of summer.)

Cutting grass.....

2008-08-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

So, last night, I went home and had to do some yard work. I got out the push mower and the riding lawn mower. I got out there about 6pm and when I finally came back in it was 8:30pm. The funny story: I have like 3 layers to our back yard. One hill lowers to another to another down by the pond. Well it was still a little wet from all the rain, and silly me tried to ride the riding mower back up to the house up the hill. Hrm. I spun and spun, and by this point I was sweating so hard that my ass was sliding off of the seat. I got mighty ticked. I tried in different angles and the dang thing would not go. So, I sat there for a few minutes pondering my predicament. I decided, hey, this is like a four wheeler, right?, he he he he. So I decided to go for a ride around the pond and see if any one of my neighbors yard had a less of a slope than mine. Guess what, about 3 houses down I found the yard. I punched it, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know its just a little riding mower not an almighty four by four monster. Anyway, I got up the hill so here I go across peoples back yard to my own yard hoping they dont see me and wonder what in gods green earth is this crazy woman doing? But guess what? I did it! I got that sucker up and into the garage. HUH!! That was my adventurous evening.

Blughghgh....

2008-08-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am having one of those days. I am in a funk and just cannot seem to snap out of it. I am aggrivated at the people that call in to my work today and just have no clue what they want. I wish I could ask all the people in the world, that, before you pick the phone up and dial, think about what you want, what you need and get your thoughts together, THAN dial. I normally have patience but today I just dont. I do not want to be sitting here, I want to be somewhere else. I want to be getting a facial, or getting my nails done, or better yet, in my flowerbeds weeding. I think I might even prefer cleaning house to sitting here today. Now that, is bad.

Expectations...

2008-08-04T06:59:00.000-07:00

The dictionary says this is the definiton: the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

What if the other person is not aware of your expectations? What if you do not feel comfortable voicing your expectations? And when you get exactly what you asked for, which is of course nothing, you are surprised and maybe even a little hurt. What if you wish you could ask for things, be selfish just once in a great while. Would ....ok, quick brake here, someone I work with, someone I converse with about antiques on a regular basis, just came up to me and asked me what size ring I wear. I said size 7 and a half. He hands me this antique gorgeous ring, with black and white (my favorite colors) carved stones on it. There are faces carved into the stones, one overlapping the other. Its antique and very unique, so something I would wear. He said, he was going to put it on eBay but would not get out of it what he thinks its worth. I am stunned because he says, have it. Wear it, (it fits on my pinkie) because its very unique like you. Now before anyone of you go off and think that he is interested in me in any other way than just friendship stop your thougths. He is old enough to be my daddy and than some and he is my x-husbands best friend. Trust me, nothing there. He is just a very nice man. Talk about "unexpected". So on that note, I will leave my blog at that for the day. What a great unexpected surprise.

My friend is sad....

2008-07-31T07:16:00.000-07:00

I have a friend whom I have known for over 15 years. Now before I tell you this story, you should know that I am not good at making friends and I am even worse at keeping the ones I do make. Its not that I dont like people, I just find myself so involved in my life that I dont often catch up with others. I have a select few people I care about very much. This particular lady is also my hair dresser, so its easy to keep up with our friendship. I cherish her for her ability to make me look good along with how wonderfull of a person she is. She would give you anything selflessly and not expect anything in return except respect. Now, she has been dating this man for over two years, almost as long as my boyfriend and I have been together. She desperately loves this man and wants him to move in with her. A month ago she gave him an ultimatum. Either move in with me and be my partner in life full time, or its over. Well guess what? The month is up tomorrow. The kicker is, today is her birthday. She is so sad. I did not see her in person but texted her with a happy birthday wish. I feel she is sad. I think I might go and get some flowers and take them to her at work to cheer her up and maybe attach a bright balloon. I know that that wont fix it but it might add sunshine into her life. Now on a side note, is it wrong of me to think that she deserves better than him? She deserves to be loved and taken care of. Beleive me, I know what its like to live alone and struggle with things by yourself. It would be so nice to talk things over with someone at the end of the day. But maybe it wasnt meant to be. For now I will be her friend and take her a piece of sunshine.

Thank You

2008-07-30T12:31:00.001-07:00

I dont think we say those two words often enough in our days.
I thank miss aj and collie for always commenting on my blog and keeping in touch with me.
I thank my boys for being so great.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Weird Dreams

2008-07-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

I wish I knew what some of my dreams represented.
The weird ones.
Like whever I am driving in a car in my dreams, the breaks never work. I never crash but I have to use an extreme amount of force to get it to slow down, and than eventually stop.
Another is, (dont laugh) my teeth. In my dreams my teeth are always falling out. In my dreams I have screws to hold my teeth into my mouth and they are always too big for my mouth and I can never close my mouth properly.
Any ideas??

Back to school?!?!

2008-07-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

I cannot beleive that it is back to school time already.
My teenage boys start on the 18th of August and I start back on the 25th of August.
Where did the whole summer go?
I was going to do so much! I was going to sand the wall in the bathroom and repaint it.
I was going to peel wallpaper in another bathroom and paint it.
I was going to plant more flowers.
Wow, it all got away from me.

Happy Birthday....

2008-07-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

A very Happy Birthday to my youngest son, who turns 13 on the 25th of July.
I cannot beleive how fast the years fly by.

Knight in Shining Armor....

2008-07-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

At last, my knight in shining armor!! He wasn't much for conversation, or movement for that matter, hrm, on second thought, this might not work out as well as I had hoped =)

Ok, no really. This knight was standing outside of a gift shop at the train station in Toledo, Spain. I could not resist the picture.

Patient Lovers

2008-07-17T07:12:00.001-07:00

My friend Collie in his blog said how lucky he is for his patient lover.
I agree.
I have a lover who is very patient and kind.
He travels quite a bit sometimes but every night he finds time to call me to say goodnight. AND he calls me before my "bedtime" and always wants to hear about my day, my boys, all of it.
How lucky am I ?!?!

Butterfly

2008-07-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

Why is a butterfly called a butterfly?

It "flutters by" as it flys.

Shouldn't it be called a flutterby?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/pda/A12219969?s_id=2

No new postings

2008-07-11T10:38:00.001-07:00

Nothing new, no new thoughts.
Maybe I will just sit a while.

Twenty Wishes

2008-05-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book by Deborah Macomber called Twenty Wishes.
I love the idea so much that I decided, why not make twenty wishes myself in real life.
These will be wishes and hopefully I will accomplish them before I die.
So here goes.....(not in any particular order)
1) Go to Italy and eat and drink all the food Italy is famous for.
2) Travel to Greece.
3) Live to see my grandchildren and be able to get to know them.
4) Slow dance in the rain with someone I love.
5) I want to be proposed to in a very romantic way and be caught off guard.
6) Watch the sun rise in a hot air balloon.
7) Watch my boys get their college dimplomas.
8) Get my own college diploma and be accepted into law school.
9) I wish for my entire family to be together just once.
10) I wish for a cure for Cancer.
11) I wish my children could meet their great grandmother before she dies.
12) I wish I could learn to knit a hat.
13) Take a cake decorating class.
14) I wish I had time to work on my scrapbook.

Always editing

Law School

2008-05-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am going to make it to Law School.

Some one told me that if I make up my mind to do it I will do it.

So, I have made up my mind and I am going to go to Law School. I am putting out there in the Universe. I may be almost 40 by the time I get there, but I will make it there!!

Thank you my friend!

Pondering.

2008-05-23T12:33:00.001-07:00

So, Im pondering law school. I am attending night classes now to get my degree in Criminal Justice a BS. So I was told if I wanted to go to law school, I should start preping myself now.
What if I wont be able to support myself when I get there and worked my ass off to get to that point and be disapointed.
Am I setting myself up to fail??

Condolences..

2008-05-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

My sincerest condolences goes out to my friend 1pic who lost his mother. He was sitting by her when she went so he got his peaceful goodbye, but I cant imagine the pain of loosing a parent.
He and his sister are in my thoughts and prayers.

"Lucky"

2008-05-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Why are some people luckier than others? It seems to me that some people could land in a huge pile of smelly nasty shit, stand up, walk away smelling of roses. Why is that? Why does one person have to constantly struggle with every day and other people its easy as 1-2-3. Why???

Pride...

2008-04-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

Today my oldest teen child informed me that it is "Anti bullying of gay peopel day" (did not know that existed) and he is taking a vow of silence to help aid that cause. He doesnt beleive that gay people should be bullied or made fun of, they are just like the rest of us, humans. WOW!! My own pride swelled. This child is amazing, despite his anti establishment and anti authority attitude. And even though the vow of silence lasted for a few minutes (he just had to talk back when I told him to hurry up in the bathroom this morning) he had his heart in the right place. Maybe his dad and I didnt do a too bad of a job.....

Inteligence....

2008-04-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

Inteligence is defined by not how smart you are but rather how smart the others around you are not. Who would have thought to put it that way. Think about it though. If you (average person like me) are in a room full of rocket scientist, you would feel pretty inferior where as you were put in a room full of ...hrm....not so smart people, you would be the shining beacon in the room. Any thoughts????

Single parenting

2008-04-23T06:38:00.000-07:00

I know that this day in age single parenting is common.
I am having a hard time with it. I have 2 teenage boys and I wish I had some one behind me backing me up and telling me that I will survive these years. Dont get me wrong, I have amazing kids. They are smart and inteligent but they are teenagers and they will argue and see how far they can push mom. I know that I put myself in this predicament by divorcing their dad. He is very much part of their daily lives in fact he is one of my best friends and we talk at least twice a day. He has a wife and stepson of his own. He and I do agree on our parenting. I just wish I had someone at home with me to lean on. Run ideas by or to step in and say, you know what, dont argue with your mother, do what she says. But I also know that they are almost out of the house and beleive me they are both filled with wanderlust, they will wander the world. I know I just have to survive a couple more years of the teenage years and than they can go out into world and see for themselves that life is not as easy as they think it is. You do have to work hard for the things you want and there will be people that you dont like but you do have to get along with them. They see me struggle with my studies and job and raising them so I am hoping that they will look upon that and take my advice and do go to college and study hard and get degrees and become whatever they want to be.

Perception....

2008-04-14T11:07:00.001-07:00

I learned in psychology class that every one of us perceives things in different ways.

So, lets say I tell someone this story I heard the other day. Are they hearing the real story or my version of what I percieved happened? If the latter is the case, how many peoples lives have been ruined due to misconceptions and misunderstandings....

Litter Bugs....

2008-03-25T08:30:00.001-07:00

That is what I call people who litter on the streets.
What makes a person roll down their window and throw their trash out?!?
Do they think that the litter fairy will come and pick it up and put it in a trash can for them? I mean really!! We have 1 earth. Thats it! I want to keep my world looking as clean as possible for our future genearations.
Ok. One more thought.
If we all just rolled down our windows and threw our trash out, it would be piled miles high and you would not be able to drive on the streets and highways without running over garbage!!
Hello!!!
So, the next time you think about littering, think twice, because there is no litter fairy cleaning up after you!!

I wish....

2008-03-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

I wish that life came with 3 buttons. Stop, fast forward and rewind.
I would stop and spend time with my children, I would stop and watch them sleep, I would stop and hold their hands. I would fast forward through our rough patches. I would love to rewind time to when they were babies and hold them and smell them one more time. They grew up so fast. Teenage years are hard. I wish I could give them self confidence. I wish, I wish, I wish.. I wish.

Excerpt from a book I am currently reading.

2008-03-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

"When Calliope surfaces, she does so like a childhood speech impediment. Suddenly there she is again, doing a hair flip, or checking her nails. It's a little like being possessed. Callie rises up inside me, wearing my skin like a loose robe".
If you have read the book I am talking about, you know exactly what that means. What struck me was the highlighted part. Do you ever feel like a child stuck inside this great big grown-up's body?? Screaming to come out and play. I do. I look down on my hand and ask, whose hands are these? Where did the years go??

Donated clothes

2008-03-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

I watched my boyfriend go through his childrens dresser on sunday, weading out the small clothes and neatly stacking them in a pile. That pile got taken to a friends house who has small children and could use these clothes. He payed attention to them, he squatted down to their eye level and told the little girl that there was a "Dora" night dress in there. Her eyes lit up. I saw a side of him that I havent, ever. It was compassion. He is a very kind and caring man, but when I saw compassion in his eyes, it sealed the deal for me. Before I met him, I made up a list of things that I wanted in a man. Everyone told me to throw half of the things on the list out the window. I didnt. I stuck to them. This man met my final (of 8) things on my list. COMPASSION. Now it scares me even more. Nothing good ever lasts in my life. People always leave. Will he leave when he realizes that I am not anyone special, I am just me!?!?

Margarita

2008-03-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

The root of all evil, or rather the root of me failing my spanish final.
So instead of: one tequila, two tequila, three tequila....floor, it should be one margarita, half of a second margarita...fail my spanish final...At least it was culuturally paired..

Where is this world headed?

2008-02-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

Are we destroying the earth for our future generations?
It seems like its ever shrinking and we are not taking care of it.
Will my grandchildren see all the beautiful things in this world or will it be paved??

Life on the Titanic

2008-02-18T08:04:00.000-08:00

Every day that I walk into my place of employment, I feel like I am stepping onto the Titanic.
It will sink at any moment and the people aboard are scared and panicked and will do just about anything to stay afloat. Grab onto you for dear life and try to pull you down so they can stay up.
When will it just sink so we can either put it to rest on the ocean floor, or figure out a way to keep it afloat for good???

2008-02-14T11:47:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentines Day to all!!!

An I phone for Christmas?????

2008-01-16T07:06:00.000-08:00

One of the local TV stations rep came to see us this morning, and she always stops and talks to me. She is sweet enough but I could tell she is a priss. She told me about her christmas present, from her boyfriend, which was an I phone. She said last year he gave her a laptop. WOW!!! She expects expensive gifts and flowers from her boyfriend of almost 3 years. She tells me that he should treat her right. To me, my description of my boyfriend "treating me right" is that he texts me good night when he is out of town, or emails me "hello beautiful" in the morning. Not, I got an I phone for christmas. Shouldnt affection, and kind and compassionate treatment matter more than a piece of technological piece? Dont get me wrong, I would love flowers once in a while too, just like any other woman, but I dont expect it.

Cancer takes another life...

2008-01-11T07:29:00.001-08:00

My boss this morning is at a funeral, along with his wife. A mom, of one of their children's fellow classmates. She has been battling cancer for 5 years. It started with with breast cancer, which she beat, than came back and she got tumors in the brain. She has 3 children she left behind. (A first grader, second grader and fifth grader.) She was heard saying, "all I want is just another ten years". I got that 10 years with my children. Mine are now teenagers. How come, I got the ten years and she did not? What did she do wrong in her life? She was such a nice lady. Now I am not saying that I am not nice, but why do some people get the chance to have those ten years and others dont? Cruelty doesnt even begin to describe the feelings I feel right now. I am so gratefull for my ten years.

Klop-Klop

2008-01-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

Klop-Klop, goes the high heeled, shoes and boots down the hallway.
I wonder why no one has made music from it?
All the different heels, sizes and shapes have different "klop" sounds to them.
It could be interesting. Klip Klop, slow, fast and in high pitch tones and low tones.
Ok. That was a weird thought, even for me :)

Melancholy.....

2008-01-09T06:24:00.000-08:00

According to Websters dictionary online, the defenition of melancholy is: an abnormal state attributed to an excess of black bile and characterized by irascibility or depression.
I disagree.
I feel melancholy today. When I use that word, I think more along the lines of just a little sad, not overly sad or depressed, just a state where you are just there. Well, wait. Kind of sad about certain things in life, like not being able to see my mom, (she lives halfway around the world). You know, I think what set the melancholy mode for today was the fact, that I happened to glance at the tag on my suitcase this morning by accident, it had a date stamped on it, the last time I went home and saw my mom and grandmother. It was dated December 21, 2002. The time stamp of my last visit home. I am a little sad. Hopefully I will get to visit soon.
I would not use the word depression.